How did I develop charismatic personality?
“What’s wrong with you?” My girlfriend yelled.
“I just have a lot of friends.”
She was jealous. Every girl had their attention drawn to me.
Several years earlier I had only one friend.
My sister started dating my best friend who happened to be the coolest guy in my high school.
He threw every party and everyone wanted to take my place as his best friend.
When the opportunity came, they did.
I didn’t want them to date. I didn’t think he was right for her and their relationship made me feel awkward. I stopped talking to both of them.
I never got invited to another high school party.
I ate lunch alone.
I went ahead and destroyed all my relationships because I made people choose sides.
They didn’t choose me.
Things got worse when I broke three bones in my ankle during football practice.
I lost all my prospects for playing college ball.
I could feel myself slipping down this endless spiral of hopelessness.
But then, I made one friend. He had zero friends just like me. I didn’t understand why.
When I got to know him, he seemed interesting and enjoyed many of the same things I did.
Most of our conversations were about how we didn’t like anyone at our school and when we’d go to the beach (we lived in San Diego).
We helped each other get through the year until we made it to college.
A year later, I had just finished pledging my fraternity.
My sister’s boyfriend wanted to pledge the same fraternity I was in.
I had the leverage to prevent him from joining because I was now “officially” a brother.
This is the moment to get my revenge!
The problem was he wanted to join with his many friends.
If he didn’t pledge, none of them would. My fellow brothers didn’t want to miss out on the opportunity to grow the fraternity, so we negotiated.
At first, I was stubborn and didn’t want any of them to join. After a couple of weeks, I caved in. I was tired of fighting.
I was close to alienating half my fraternity house from wanting to become friends with me.
I tried to control people. I was wrong.
Realizing I almost lost all my friends again gave me doubt to whether I was even right about my actions.
So, I began studying the art of social interaction.
I read many books and watched hundreds of YouTube videos.
Soon after, I wrote an apology letter to my sister and her boyfriend.
I explained I’d grown as a person and I was wrong not to talk to them.
Next, I began focusing on improving my social skills.
I went through much trial and error. I tried pickup lines and rehearsed jokes.
It didn’t feel right. There’s a lot of noise on the Internet about what you should do to become charismatic.
Eventually, I found something that worked well for me.
I decided I would be unapologetically myself, happy-go-lucky, and not control other people.
I would live life in the moment while letting others live their lives.
This simple notion brought a profound sense of calm and happiness to my life.
I stopped caring about what others thought or did.
Everything in my mind freed up.
I became more creative, a better storyteller, and saw more beauty in the little things.
I never complained, argued, or felt the need to become someone I was not.
People could sense the positive energy from me.
My new demeanor said, “Hey, I love life. I love making friends. Come talk to me.”
I didn’t even need to say these words.
Every movement and every word I spoke implied them. I even had a more genuine smile.
I became the guy who would be the first to say hello, make someone get out of their comfort zone and laugh about it later.
I remember going to parties where people would gravitate towards me.
I simply decided to stop trying to control people; instead, I focused on living in the moment while being myself.
With no negative thoughts swirling around in my head, I took more action.
I became the first guy to start dancing with girls at parties even though I had no idea how to dance.
Even if I was a terrible dancer, everyone loved it.
People were there to have fun. I just happened to have the courage to start the fun.
Eventually, all my friends thought I was the most charismatic person they knew.
Soon, I realized there were few people like me.
I remember the day before I broke up with my girlfriend.
She was upset because she couldn’t control me. I wasn’t wild.
I just attracted a lot of attention because of my positive energy.
If I wanted to be with her, I’d have to stop going to parties and other fun events.
She wanted me to choose sides.
She reminded me a lot of the person who I’d been.
I chose myself.
These small incidents have propelled me to find others who live life joyously, embrace themselves, and don’t try to control people.
There may not be many of these charismatic people around you.
Go find them.
They’ll guide you.